Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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