You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
