I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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