Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
