Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
