ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
