Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bet he comes in French.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
