walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
