Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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