Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
