dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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