That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
