The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
