I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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