He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I AM VODKA MAN
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
