There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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