his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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