His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize