She is in my trunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
