the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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