It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
