Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
