I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
