All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
