nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
