I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
