do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
