I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
