her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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