goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
