just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think your dad took our porno
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
