accomplished twins. life is a go
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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