whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
