bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
whose parrot is this?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
