i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
