omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
