so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
