Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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