What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
