I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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