It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
