my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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