Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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