Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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