And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
