It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
