from now on my penis is your penis
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
