My room smells like vodka and shame
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
