things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
