i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize