i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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