There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
