I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's always time for handjobs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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