Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize