the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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