That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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