I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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