dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
