I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
