i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
