i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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