Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
