yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
