based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
