I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
