I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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