Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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