I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
