Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
