after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it hurts more in the daytime
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
