I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
