The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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