Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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