i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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