I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
