why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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