he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
