I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
