He told me they were just razor bumps!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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