im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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