good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
