if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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