Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
