I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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