I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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