You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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