I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
