"it" just moved
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
