So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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