I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
