Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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