Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
