We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
