I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
