I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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