he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
