I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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