Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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