my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dicks are not precious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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