He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
