Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
