i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize