her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
