It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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