DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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